One of You Keeps Reaching. One of You Keeps Retreating.
You're not on the brink of anything. You go on dates (or you used to). You split the logistics of running a life together and mostly get it right. From the outside, this relationship works. But somewhere along the way, the conversations went surface-level, and neither of you quite noticed when it happened.
Maybe one of you keeps reaching for something more, and the other keeps retreating from it. Maybe it's the same fight you've had a dozen times now, and you both already know how it ends before it starts. Or maybe there isn't a fight at all anymore, just less and less being said, and you miss the version of this relationship where more got talked about.
You may recognize some of this:
You've been putting yourself last for so long that resentment crept in and you feel guilty for resenting someone you love
There's a specific thing you want to say to your partner but you're genuinely scared to say it so it stays unsaid
You'll go pretty far out of your way to avoid conflict, further than you'd probably admit.
You want balance in the relationship but you're not entirely sure what that would even look like since you've never had it modeled for you
You wish, at least sometimes, that you had a partner you could really lean on instead of being the one who's always managing things so they don't have to
When you're anxious your partner doesn't quite know what to do with it, and you don't know how to explain it in a way that helps either of you
You've stayed quiet about how you're really feeling because you're afraid of how it'll land, so you keep choosing the peace despite the fact that it keeps you stuck
You could probably write the script for your most common fight with your partner at this point, and you still don't know how to end it differently
If a lot of this sounds like the same over-functioning that shows up everywhere else in your life, or the same instinct to manage everyone's feelings before your own, that's not a coincidence. It usually shows up here too.
How Therapy for Relationships Works
1.
Schedule a Free Consultation
The first step is to schedule a free, 15–20 minute phone consultation to spend a short time connecting and see if we're a good fit. We'll talk briefly about what is bringing you to therapy and how I might be able to support you. I'll answer any questions you have and let you know what to expect before scheduling your first session.
2.
Have Our First Session
During our first session (intake), we'll explore what brings you to therapy in more detail. I'll ask questions about your life, background, relationships, current concerns, and anything else that feels important for me to know. My goal is to begin getting to know you on a deeper level so I can best support you in our work together.
3.
Clarify Your Goals
Within the first 1-2 sessions, we'll discuss what you're hoping to get out of therapy (essentially, your therapy goals). We'll also talk about the quality of your current relationships, any past or present relationship challenges, the areas where you may be feeling stuck or disconnected, and what you'd like to see change. Goals are meant to give us a shared sense of direction as therapy unfolds—they aren't rigid or fixed, and we can always revisit or change them over time.
4.
Ongoing Therapy & Healing
From there, we'll begin the ongoing work of therapy. We'll spend time understanding the experiences that shaped how you relate to yourself and others. Through our relationship, I will help you heal relational wounds and develop healthier, more secure ways of relating. You'll also have the freedom to discuss whatever feels most important each week. There isn't a "right" or "wrong" thing to bring to therapy—our sessions will naturally evolve alongside your life.
What Working Together Looks Like
This isn't couples-in-crisis work. Most of what I do here is individual: understanding the resentment, the guilt that follows it, and the fear that being honest with your partner will cost you something. I also see a limited number of couples directly — high-functioning partners who are stuck in a rut rather than heading toward a crisis — if that's a better fit for where you are.
We'll look at what balance and reciprocity would actually look like for you, since a lot of my clients have never had a working model for it, and at what it might feel like to actually be leaned on by someone instead of always being the one holding things up. We'll also look at conflict itself: if nobody showed you how to navigate it growing up, it makes sense that it terrifies you now, or that you avoid it entirely and call it keeping the peace.
What Getting There Looks Like
Not a relationship with no disagreements. A relationship where a disagreement doesn't feel like a threat to the whole thing.
Clients doing this work with me describe saying the thing they were scared to say, and it not costing them what they thought it would. Feeling less resentment because needs are getting spoken instead of swallowed. Finding out what it's like to have a partner who can actually meet you partway, and actually letting them, once you've let them know where you are.
If this sounds like where you are, you don't have to keep managing this alone.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation and we'll talk, see if we're a good fit, and go from there.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Absolutely. You don’t need to come to therapy with a partner–or even be in a relationship–to work on relationship concerns. Maybe you’re struggling in a current relationship, navigating a breakup, feeling anxious about dating or forming relationships, or noticing relationship patterns that you’d like to better understand or change. Therapy for relationships isn’t limited to romantic relationships either; we can also explore family issues, friendship dynamics, work relationships, or other relevant relationships in your life. Individual therapy lets us focus on your experiences of relationships–past, present, or future. It also gives us an opportunity to work on your relationship with yourself.
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In couples therapy with me, we won’t just talk about what happens between you at home–we’ll actually work on it together in session. Whether it’s a fight that keeps repeating, a conversation that has been avoided, a rupture you haven’t been able to repair, a loss of connection, or another part of your relationship you want to address, I’ll help you practice new ways of communicating, relating, and responding to each other in real time. We’ll work on understanding the patterns you get stuck in, what each of you needs but may have trouble saying, and how to find your way back to each other.
The hope is that you’ll feel more connected, understood, and secure, while building relationship skills you can continue using outside of therapy. Bonus: this work can translate into other relationships as well.
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That’s fair. You don’t have to enter couples therapy equally comfortable, hopeful, or ready. I’ll meet you where you’re at and won’t expect you to move at exactly the same pace. I do ask, however, that everyone who comes to couples therapy with me is willing to invest in the process and do some work toward improving the health of your relationship.
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That’s okay. You don’t need to have that figured out before coming to therapy. My role is not to convince you to stay or leave, but to give you space to explore what you want and need from a relationship, how those wants or needs might be met, and what may be contributing to your uncertainty. We can work toward more clarity without assuming what the outcome should be. And while I enjoy helping clients build healthier, happier relationships, I can also support you in ending a relationship with care if that’s ultimately what you decide.
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I believe therapy can be beneficial for couples whether your concerns feel relatively small or really significant. Therapy offers a unique space to build or strengthen your relationship, work through areas where you feel stuck, or experience deeper relational healing. After all, so much of our healing happens in relationship with other people.
There is one important caveat: couples therapy may not be appropriate when there is active abuse, coercive control, or concern for someone’s safety. In those situations, safety will always be my top priority, and individual therapy or other forms of support may be more appropriate. I do work individually with clients who are facing, leaving, or recovering from abusive relationships or interpersonal violence.